Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
