I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
3pm strippers are depressing
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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