I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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