you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
