I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
it hurts more in the daytime
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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