I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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