Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
