***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
