My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Is it penis luge time yet?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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