He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
