And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
