I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
