i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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