i just google imaged poop.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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