**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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