my vag is so smooth its legendary
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
