Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
