Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this boner is exhausting
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
