the condom got lost in my hair
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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