From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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