I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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