You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
