I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
