so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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