ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
