The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
