This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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