dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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