did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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