i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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