i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just sent this text using only my big toe
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
