I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
