The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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