hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
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I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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