Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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