you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
