how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
