I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
