alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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