weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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