I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i drank out of a bidet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
