i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
