I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
