just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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