check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
