Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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