If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Are my feet made of real feet?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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