Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
