When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
