Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i dont even know how to be here
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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