Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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