i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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