my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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