after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When did angry sex become our thing?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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