dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
