We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We just shotgunned beers for America
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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