so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
whose parrot is this?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
