mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
