I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
tell me about the fingering
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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