I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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