Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
