I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
