No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just found puke in my bra..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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