peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize