Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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